Being Held

- Patricia Love

The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you’re not talking.

For 1 in 3 adults, being held is just not that simple. Our hearts, damaged by abuse and neglect, seem to us to be unacceptable, unlovable and even dangerous to ourselves and to others.


Often, that's hard

We put away who we are and stsrt to play an affection based role we think will make us acceptable. Ironically, by going silent and ceasing to be ourselves, we hope to find ourselves known, held, and loved.

So, we hide


And we feel alone

Why? Because the degree to which we can be truthful about who we are and what we think and feel is the degree we can be held by another. And, our hiddenness has one effect:

Pushing others away

Deep inside of every one of us, there is a deeper part that knows one inescapable truth: We were made for a deeper love than this.


Still, we long...

- Michael Bassey Johnson

True love is not a hide and seek game: in true love, both lovers seek each other.

Being held is about intimacy

Affection vs. Intimacy

Intimacy is saying, "Mom, tell me what is like to get older and experience your body failing you? What is it like to think about the possibility of death?

Affection is saying to your mother, "Mom, I'm so sorry you are struggling with illness and may no longer be with us?"

4 Steps of Intimacy





Receiving Love, As people move towards you (and they will), risk letting them stay!

Self Expression, Sharing emotions and telling people what you really think and feel.

Accepting Yourself, Self-compassion erases the fear of rejection and helps end self-sabotage.

Trusting Yourself, Your core emotional self knows how to keep you safe, intact and loved.

Pressing through shame, fear and guilt

Yes, our past may tell us that we are dirty, unlovable and likely to be rejected and even destroyed if we are ever fully known. But, it's all a lie.


Yes, sometimes the pain can make us feel like we will explode, but nothing great was ever created without danger. But, to avoid that danger is to waste our souls and our lives.

Facing hurt

Why? When we fully open our hearts to another, we enter into a sacred space. And, in the face of the one we open our heart to, we see God.

Worth the Risk


Risk being held